When All the Other Teens Go Off to College

My teen is excited and proud to be starting full-time as a commuter student at a local college.  I wanted to share an article I wrote several years ago to illustrate how much can change in a relatively short time with the right supports, patience and hope:

When All the Other Teens Go Off to College

It happened again last night. 

I went to the high school open house, and everyone asked where my oldest teen was attending college.  Of course, they assumed that this former honors student who had taken advanced placement classes was away at college.  I gave our family’s party line, “She’s taking a year off,” and again felt that familiar pain of loss, disappointment, shame, embarrassment, and of course, guilt for feeling these awful feelings.

My daughter was hospitalized a mere six months ago for her depression and anxiety.  We are celebrating that fact that she is working a full-time job at a local fast-food store as an assistant manager.  Somehow she managed to graduate from high school after missing four complete months of her senior year.  She has stopped running away from home and engaging in other self-destructive behaviors.  She goes to weekly therapy.  She is being responsible with her car.  She has come a long way.

But the open house brought all the feelings back. 

I know I shouldn’t be feeling these “bad” emotions.  I should be grateful for the improvement in her health and for the relative peace in our home.  I do give thanks everyday that she is safe.

But the reality is that I also am feeling a multitude of mixed emotions, high and low, on a daily basis.

I admit it – I get embarrassed when people ask what my daughter is doing.  I feel dishonest replying that my daughter is taking a year off, like it was a planned choice versus the only choice.  The reality is that she wasn’t well enough to even consider applying to college.  Our family spent college savings on medical expenses.   We don’t know if she ever will be going away to college.  We are living in uncertainty and in a world where there is a stigma associated with public acknowledgement of a mental health condition.   So I don’t tell the truth to protect our privacy, and I feel ashamed.

But I have learned that I do need to be honest with one person — myself.  I need to accept that I am feeling these emotions.  Any time I feel like I “should” be doing something is a red flag that there is still an unaddressed issue lurking underneath the surface that I need to look at closely.

First of all, I remind myself that these are just emotions.  They are not “bad” per se with all that associated personal judgment.  There are good days and bad days on the road to recovery for both the young adult and the parent caregiver.  Sometimes a casual question will trip these emotions.  Knowing that this can happen and having a plan for dealing with it has helped me.  I have my rehearsed response.  And, I know sometimes I need to escape and just breathe, deal with my emotions and move on.

Having always been the “good girl” of the family, I feel a lot of self-judgment for being angry, disappointed, jealous and just plain sad.  Nice people don’t have these emotions.  I am learning to feel compassion for myself. 

Rosalyn Carter in her book, Helping Someone with Mental Illness, wrote: “Families of the mentally ill feel a chronic sorrow, a never-ending grieving process for the lost potential of their ill child.”  And the fact that this is basically hidden from relatives, friends, and colleagues just accentuates a family’s sense of shame and stigma. 

For me, the process of acceptance of my teen’s mental health challenges involves letting go of a resistance to changing expectations.  I am learning instead to focus on letting my expectations for my daughter be realistic as well as positive.  She is only 18 — she still has time to learn to manage her condition and plan for her future. 

So what does this mean on a day-to-day basis in terms of dealing with my wild, unruly emotions?

I focus on the big picture, what I genuinely want for her — which is for her to continue to gain self-confidence, self-esteem, independence, and responsibility.  Her illness robbed her of energy and experiences that are part of natural adolescent growth and development.  She needs more time.  I practice enjoying today, not worrying about the future.  I practice patience.  I know that there are times to allow sadness.  I tell the truth when I feel comfortable.

I continue to educate people about depression and anxiety and other brain disorders to reduce the stigma of mental illness, and I dream of the day our society will treat mental illness like any physical illness.

The open house did teach me that I felt out of integrity, so now I have a new prepared response for when people ask where my oldest is attending college.  I say “she wasn’t ready to go away to college and she’s working.” 

And that’s the truth.

The Process of Letting Go of Your Teen Struggling with Depression & Anxiety

People ask me how my daughter is doing and I don’t know what to say. On the surface, she is doing well, but underneath I’m not sure.

I worry…

And yet – I’ve let go. 

There was a time when I was constantly gripped by fear for my daughter’s wellbeing and safety.  Just writing those words gives me a gigantic knot in my stomach.  There was a time when we were so intertwined and connected (not in a good way) that I had even forgotten who I was.  My moods were her moods.  When she was up, I was happy.  When she was anxious, she triggered my own anxiety, insecurity as a parent, and depression.

I have come a long way. She has come a long way on the recovery road.  Our whole family has come a long way, and if I’m totally honest, we needed to improve our communication and relationships.

As she recovered from severe depression and anxiety, I took a giant step back.  I focused on my work, supporting parents and families struggling with the mental health condition of a loved one.  I focused on reconnecting with my husband and other child.  I spent time with friends and had fun.  I started knitting, walking, sewing, and reading again — all solitary activies that give me peace.   

By letting go, I gave my daughter the space to find her own way to live with her anxiety and depression, to let go of old dreams like going away to college, and to find new ones.  She’ll start full-time at the local state college in the fall.  She’s started reading voraciously again like when she was little, all the more amazing since two years ago, she couldn’t focus on reading even a paragraph.  She takes long walks with our dog to stay calm.  She’s getting her room organized.  She’s made a real friend.  She’s working.   She pays all expenses for the car she bought herself.  I see her starting to like and accept herself.  She even apologizes when she lashes out (and means it!).

She really IS doing well.  And we’re doing well as a family.  I know that our family is her safety net.   She finally knows we will always love her and appreciates our support.  I am grateful for how our life has turned 180 degrees around.

And yet, I worry…  

Like the game Simon Says, I feel that I have taken a giant step back, but I’m now on edge waiting for Simon’s next instruction.  My worry for my daughter seeps into my gratitude and positive outlook.

I’m hyper-vigilant about watching her.  Every sign, what does it mean?  How is she really doing?  What did it mean that she didn’t call and didn’t come home last night?  She hasn’t showered.  She quit her full-time job in the midst of a panic attack.  Is this the lull before the storm?

Here’s what I know: to let go means giving the other person space.  Letting go is a process and I’m a parent.  I love her desperately and I worry…

So when that nagging fear creeps in, I try to ask it objectively, “What is really happening here?”  I pay attention to the information.  Simon may say to step forward again – and we will, to keep her safe.

But mostly, I practice letting go of my fear,  so that I can enjoy my daughter right now and give her the space to live as full a life as possible with her mental health condition.

Recovery is a Process

Mental illness is being recognized as a biologically-based illness of the brain.  The concept of recovery is beginning to obtain legitimacy based upon evidence-based practices in the mental health field, fancy language that research shows that living well with mental illness is possible.  However, the perceived stigma of being labeled as “mentally-ill” is taking longer to shift in the general public as well as by health care professionals, families, and people struggling with mental health issues themselves.

What is Recovery?

• Recovery is “a deeply personal, unique process of changing one’s attitudes, values, feelings, goals, skills and/or roles.  It is a way of living a satisfying, hopeful, and contributing life even with limitations caused by the illness.  Recovery involves the development of new meaning and purpose in one’s life as one grows beyond the catastrophic effects of mental illness.”  (William Anthony, Director of the Boston Center for Psychiatric Rehabilitation, 1993)
•  “Recovery is a process, beginning with diagnosis and eventually moving into successful management of your illness. Successful recovery involves learning about your illness and the treatments available, empowering yourself through the support of peers and family members, and finally moving to a point where you take action to manage your own illness by helping others.”  (National Alliance on Mental Illness).

Recovery is a personal and unique process , i.e. everyone with a psychiatric illness develops his/her own definition of recovery and supports.  This can be a hard concept to accept when you are a family member or parent of someone struggling with a mental health condition.  Recovery requires that first huge leap of accepting that you have a condition.  You as a parent may finally have acknowledged this truth, but your teen may be at a totally different place on the acceptance continuum, or actively in denial or resisting treatment.

Factors Common to Recovery

• Hope
• Treatment
• Support
• Mutual trusting, safe relationships
• Personal responsibility
• Education/Knowledge
• Self-advocacy  and self-help to build self-esteem
• Challenge: take small risks to grow and change
• Belief in ability to make choices
• Willingness and motivation to recover
• Employment/Meaningful activity

How Parents Can Help

1. Separate yourself from your teen’s experience.  You’re both in different places – and that’s okay.  It may feel like you have hit bottom, but maybe your teen hasn’t yet.
2. Try to be patient  with the process.  Tomorrow is a new day.  Practice self-care, schedule alone time,  participate in enjoyable activities, connect to your faith.
3. Get informed.  Learn as much as you can to understand the symptoms, behaviors and losses associated with the mental health condition versus  the typical adolescent developmental stages and behaviors.
4. Acceptance requires some level of maturity of the frontal lobes and the ability to look forward.  The future may be different from what you both expected, but your teen can still live a full, rewarding and meaningful life.
5. Create opportunities to build relationship with your teen that have nothing to do with mental health care.
6. Focus on the positive rather than the negative.  What is working well for your teen? .Look for ways for them to build their fledgling self-esteem – work, school, volunteer, crafts, sports.
7. Although it often feels hard to believe, research shows that you as a parent are the most important influence on your teen.  Reach out for support so you feel hopeful about the future, for yourself and your family.

What I Didn’t Know About Mental Illness

I thought I knew a lot about mental illness.

After all, I majored in Psychology in college and after earning a Master’s degree in Health Administration, I worked in hospital management for almost twenty years, including overseeing program development and planning projects for mental and behavioral health care.  On a personal level, several members of my extended family experienced depression and anxiety, some diagnosed and some undiagnosed.  And I knew that I myself had struggled with mild depression since adolescence, but I always managed to pull myself out of it without treatment.

You can’t know what no one has ever told you.

When I studied Psychology in the 1970’s, there was no concept of recovery from mental illness.  Families were still “blamed” for mental health issues.  Our picture of mental illness was strongly colored by images like Jack Nicholson on a locked inpatient unit  in “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.”

When my own teenager began to struggle with severe anxiety and depression,  I was in some denial, even as I desperately sought help.  I wished for any other diagnosis.  Even as a fairly educated lay person around mental health issues, I felt the weight of the stigma of a diagnosis of mental illness and the associated feelings of guilt, self-blame and shame.

The whole time my teen was struggling, and managing her care and treatment became a full-time job for me, no mental health professional ever used the word “recovery.”

No wonder my teenager so wholeheartedly resisted the treatment process! 

Who wants to be diagnosed with a chronic illness at 16 with the associated stigma and discrimination?  It was shameful, something to hide.  We made excuses, and invented “white lies” to ensure our privacy.

It was only later after taking the NAMI family-to-family class with my husband and doing some consulting work for NAMI Massachusetts and other mental health organizations that I finally learned more about the recovery and peer support movement in mental health.

You can’t know what no one has ever told you.

Recovery is real and you as a parent can play an important role in supporting your teenager’s recovery.

But it is vital that you keep hope alive, which can admittedly be difficult when living with someone struggling with a mental health condition.  Sometimes it feels like your teen makes a baby step forward and two giant steps back.

That’s why it’s so important to be able to detach and view the big picture.  Connecting with other parents, families, and adults in recovery helps me to keep hope alive.

Next week, we’ll talk more about recovery – what it is and how you as a parent can help.

Are There Times You Just Hate Your Depressed Teen?

It’s not politically correct to admit that sometimes you just hate your teenagers.   

Parents have enormous social pressure to be perfect and to always be positive to build your child’s self-esteem.

But truly, living with someone with a severe anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder or depression is sometimes — or often depending on the situation — extremely difficult.  

Teens with mental health conditions have difficulty identifying their feelings, controlling their moods, and handling stress.  One coping mechanism when they feel overwhelmed by emotions is to lash out – and often it’s the members of the immediate family who are the targets, especially their mothers.

We’ve all experienced other people in the teen’s life saying, “but they’re great with me” as if it’s our imaginations that our teens have emotional and behavioral issues.

Just as the anger and frustration that our teens feel is real to them, what you are feeling as parents needs to be acknowledged. 

Does this feel or sound familiar?

• I can’t believe my son just called me retarded.  He knows how I feel about that word.  How could I possibly raise such a selfish, horrible child?
• What’s going to happen to him?  If he can’t get along with me, how is he going to get along with a boss?
• If everything little annoyance in life (traffic, being put on hold, nasty salespeople) becomes a crisis for her, how is she ever going to function on her own?
• Everything is all about him.  He rants and raves about his life, and never asks about our life or how we’re doing.  It’s exhausting.
• It’s so much easier when he’s not home.  We brace ourselves when he walks in hoping he’s in a good mood.  I’m always on edge waiting for the bomb to drop.

Anger, frustration, sadness, fear, guilt, and fatigue are just a few of the emotions revealed through these parents’ words.

Sometimes we just hate our children.  The paradox is that we hate them at the same time we love them so much it hurts.  You just want to sit and cry, or lash out yourself.  It’s like a knife in your gut or heart.  It’s real.

Some behaviors associated with their mental health conditions are the very ones described above:  irritability, anger, rage, all-consuming anxiety.  Many teens are still reeling from this embarrassing diagnosis, or are untreated.  They haven’t yet accepted their diagnosis, taken responsibility for learning better coping mechanisms, or committed to the supports which will guide their recovery.

With all the focus on positivity these days, it’s important to also acknowledge that raising a child, teen or young adult with mental health issues at times is extremely unrewarding, painful, and difficult.  But your teen is not their mental health disorder.  Sometimes what your teen most needs is for you to pull back and take care of yourself. 

It’s the best way to show your unconditional love for your teen.

When Life Falls Apart (Again) with Your Depressed Teen

Here we go again…. 

Do you ever lose faith when your depressed teen falls apart?
 
Has this happened to you?

• You’re hypersensitive to any symptoms of mental illness
• Your moods are tied to your teen’s ups and downs
• You immediately start to worry about what’s next
• Your family is angry at you for not controlling the situation
• You lose all ability to focus on work or other tasks

I had a reminder of this myself last week when my teen called me hysterically at work.
 
One of the hardest parts of living with teens dealing with depression and anxiety is the constant uncertainty and unpredictability.  Their moods affect the whole family’s wellbeing.
 
I’m very aware that my own depression and anxiety often get triggered by how well my teen is able to function in the world.  And yet, sometimes – like last week – I’m unable to separate and be there for her and go on with my own life.
 
The chatter starts in my head – mostly negative and unproductive – and I feel the gut-wrenching fear again. 

Being aware of my own internal process was helpful, so I thought I’d share the steps with you.

1. Is this true?

For example, my internal chatter was “she’s never going to be able to handle college” and “she’s never going to be able to live on her own.”  Is this true?  I’m not sure but it wasn’t related to her panic attacks at that moment.  I had to manage my own fear and anxiety and be extra compassionate with myself.
 
2.       Focus on the present.  What is happening right now?
 
Sometimes our teen really is having a crisis, and we need to determine what’s happening and what support our teen needs.  Is this a true mental health emergency and is so, what is the next step?
 
This can take time and involve shifting our priorities.  I worked less last week, didn’t write this newsletter, and let go of other household responsibilities so I could spend extra time with my daughter. 
 
3.       Is there another explanation other than depression or anxiety that is equally true?

For example, my teenager needed extra help to process what to do about work and college.  She wants to apply to college and was overwhelmed by working full-time and the college application process, “normal” for most of us.  And because of her anxiety disorder, she may need to make some life changes for her to be able to achieve her college goals.
 
4.       If it’s not a mental health crisis, what can you as a parent do?  Does your teen need some extra support or a plan?   From you, or from a professional, another family member, or a friend?
 
Life is full of setbacks for everyone.  We all have good and bad weeks.  Yet, I seem to have a higher standard for my daughter because I’m so deeply afraid her depression and anxiety may get worse.  Our love and fear for our teens sometimes doesn’t help their recovery.
 
So what I was reminded of last week yet again- recovery from mental health conditions takes time.  The road to recovery is full of baby steps forward and sometimes giant steps back.
 
Never get up hope.
 
Believe.
 
When we marry intention with action, miracles happen.
 
It worked for our family this week.

Parent First Aid: Accessing the Power of Gratitude

Schools are off for some families next week. 

The lack of structure can have both positive and negative impact on depressed teens and their families: positives include fewer battles over homework, getting up in the morning and into bed at night, and more free time with less stress; and, negatives may include more time for TV, computer, cell phone, picking fights with siblings and parents, and becoming depressed and anxious.

No wonder parents of teens everywhere dread vacation weeks!

The practice of gratitude as a tool for happiness has been in the mainstream for years. Long-term studies support gratitude’s effectiveness, suggesting that a positive, appreciative attitude contributes to greater success, greater health, peak performance in sports and business, a higher sense of well-being, and a faster rate of recovery from surgery.

But while we may acknowledge gratitude’s many benefits, it still can be difficult to sustain. So many of us are trained to notice what is broken, undone or lacking in our lives. And for gratitude to meet its full healing potential in our lives, it needs to become more than just a Thanksgiving word. We have to learn a new way of looking at things, a new habit. And that can take some time.

That’s why practicing gratitude makes so much sense. When we practice giving thanks for all we have, instead of complaining about what is wrong, we give ourselves the chance to see all of life as an opportunity and a blessing.   Yes, even school vacation week!

Remember that gratitude isn’t a blindly optimistic approach in which the bad things in life are whitewashed or ignored. It’s more a matter of where we put our focus and attention. If our teens struggle with a lack of structure, it is true that vacation week may be challenging.  But when we focus on the gifts of life, we gain a feeling of well-being. Gratitude balances us and gives us hope.

There are many things to be grateful for this spring: colorful daffodils,  being outdoors, friends who listen and really hear, chocolate, no jackets, a good book, pansies on the front step, our health, popcorn, funny movies, strawberries, the ocean.  What’s on your list?

Some Ways to Practice Gratitude

• Keep a gratitude journal in which you list things for which you are thankful. You can make daily, weekly or monthly lists. Greater frequency may be better for creating a new habit, but just keeping that journal where you can see it will remind you to think in a grateful way.
• Make a gratitude collage by drawing or pasting pictures.
• Practice gratitude around the dinner table or make it part of your nighttime routine. Your teens may roll their eyes, but have fun with it as a family.
• Make a game of finding the hidden blessing in a challenging situation.
• When you feel like complaining, make a gratitude list instead. You may be amazed by how much better you feel.
• Notice how gratitude is impacting your life. Write about it, sing about it, express thanks for gratitude.

As you practice, an inner shift begins to occur, and you may be delighted to discover how content and hopeful you are feeling. That sense of fulfillment is gratitude at work, essential for parents of teens recovering from depression and anxiety.

Author’s content used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications

Can Depressed Parents Be Good Parents?

Some of you may have read an article by Marya Hornbacher in last week’s Boston Sunday Globe which raised some provocative questions about parenting.  Click here to read, Should I? One woman’s struggle with bipolar disorder – and the question of whether to become a mother.

What makes a good parent?

Most of us can agree on the basics of what children need to grow and flourish:  love, food, shelter, safety, education, support, exercise, and play.  There are parents with and without mental health issues who are unable to provide a nurturing environment and relationship that meet these basic needs.

I now realize that I’ve suffered from dysthmia – low level, chronic depression – since I was a teenager.  I never even heard of this word until I developed a full-blown clinical depression while desperately seeking to get my teen help for her major depression and anxiety disorder.

I was over 45 before I started on treatment (medication and therapy) that has changed my life.  I always thought I was a person who saw the glass as half-empty, while I longed to be a person who saw the glass as half-full.    But that was the depression rearing its ugly head, not the person I truly am.

Dysthmia definitely affected my ability to function well in all aspects of my life and work, including parenting.  For example,

• I was stressed out trying to compensate for the underlying sadness.
• I was exhausted trying to do it all, work and family.
• I had chronic back pain and sinusitis.
• I got impatient with the kids and my husband.
• I blamed myself for everything.
• I didn’t laugh much.

Having a teenager with a more severe form of depression was a motivator for me to seek treatment.  I needed to be at my best to help coordinate her educational and treatment needs, and be there for my other child and husband as well.

Any parent with a teen suffering from a mental health condition experiences a high level of stress and sadness, even if these symptoms aren’t diagnosed formally as depression.

Stigma against mental illness prevents us from reaching out for help.  We’re ashamed to admit that we need help as parents.  We’re afraid that someone will blame us as bad parents for our teen’s depression and mental health issues.  We secretly feel guilty, especially if we also are depressed or anxious.

You can’t know what no one has ever taught you about teen depression and mental illness. 

And, you can’t be the best advocate and caregiver for your depressed teen if you’re running on empty.

Register for a telegroup starting in May to learn new coping skills and get the support of other parents in your shoes.  New groups include:

5 Tips to Boost Your Depressed Teen’s Independence

Just Breathe: Creating Calm from Chaos

The Complete Parent as Mental Health Coach

Reaching out and connecting with other parents for support has changed my own life and that of my family.  This is possible for you, too.

Bring Humor to Home (Good for You & for Your Depressed Teen!)

Thank goodness April Fool’s Day is over! 
 
I love to laugh and have fun, but I am rarely (okay, never) the one standing up front telling jokes.  In fact, I never can remember the punch line of jokes that others tell me when I try to repeat them for my family. 
 
When my kids were little, they’d bring home silly puns and gags on April 1st from school.  I secretly admired those creative parents who made a big deal of April Fool’s Day, playing pranks all day, putting notes in the lunchbox, or planning backwards meals (dessert first, anyone?).
 
It’s clear that using humor is not my default way of being with my teens. 

 

The stress of daily life and worry about the economy can leave parents feeling harried and overwhelmed, which only exacerbates a fragile teen’s depression and anxiety.
 
The physical benefits of laughter are well documented.  Laughter decreases stress hormones, boosts the immune system and raises the heart rate, bringing more blood and oxygen to the brain.  It also enhances alertness and memory as well as the ability to learn and create.
 
Benefits for Family Life
It makes sense that all that extra brain power and relaxation would help parents be more productive and organized.  But laughter has other benefits for teens and parents at home, which include:
 
Stronger families.  A coaching colleague says, “Laughter is the kindest Band-Aid.”  Laughter breaks down barriers, builds relationships and allows for better communication among family members.  My husband and teens have invented a silly language akin to verbal “texting”  which makes them laugh instead of being defensive with one another.
 
Happier relationships.  Laughter reduces the ongoing stress of living with a loved one with a mental health condition.  It breaks up boredom and fatigue of “here we go again.”  The family that laughs together stays together.
 
Creative problem-solving.  Humor unleashes creativity and new approaches to old issues.  For example, good jokes guide us down one path only to suddenly track us onto another with the punch line. 
 
How to Bring Humor to Home
Using humor as a coping skill and way to connect with family isn’t just about the pranks, practical jokes or juvenile antics familiar to April Fool’s Day.  Instead, it’s more of an attitude, a way of viewing and processing what’s happening at home.  Here are a few tips for bringing more humor to home:
 
Look for humor.  The more you look, the more you’ll find and receive.  Try to see things from an out-of-the-ordinary perspective.
 
Collect humor.  Start a funny file with cartoons, jokes, comic strips and stories.  Ask your family to describe something that made them laugh every night at the dinner table; you’re creating a collective memory.
 
Encourage laughter as a family.  Play games, watch funny movies or YouTube videos, play with your pet, have a water fight while you wash cars or the dog.
 
Laugh at yourself.  Teens love to point out what parents do wrong.  Laughing at yourself encourages trust and good will.  In addition, your laughter and sense of humor model wonderful coping mechanisms for your teens when things go wrong or feel too hard.
 
Keep humor appropriate.  It goes without saying to never poke fun of a person’s beliefs, background, or disabilities.
 
Based on the article Bring Humor to Work by Claire Communications.

Don’t Let Procrastination Drain Your Energy as a Parent

Sometimes we avoid doing the tasks that must be done because they are unpleasant or boring. Think of calling your insurance company for a referral for psychological testing for your teen, or sitting down to sort out the bills from the most recent hospitalization and what’s covered and what you portion you owe.

And yet, often it is the tasks we most want to do that we put off. Taking that walk on a spring-like day, scheduling a family outing or girls’ night out, reading a trashy novel, going to the movies with your husband, or finally putting the Christmas lights in the attic.

What’s going on?

Awareness is the first step. Think about your excuses for not accomplishing your goals. Everyone has his or her own pattern of procrastinating. Here are eight examples:

• Fear of change, rejection, or failure
• Need to be perfect (I can’t do it perfectly so I won’t start)
• Too much to do and not enough time
• Too much pressure or anxiety leading to paralysis
• Overwhelm on how to start (task is too big, don’t know how to do it)
• Self-doubt or lack of confidence
• Sense of disorganization or indecision
• Other priorities, big (work/family crisis) and little (need to check email first!)

Do these excuses sound reasonable and logical? That’s often the case. The problem is that if you buy into the excuses, you don’t follow-through on the steps needed to achieve your goals. Procrastination can feel good in the moment, but then creates stress and pressure. It becomes a vicious cycle.

Getting into action alleviates the stress of procrastination almost instantaneously.

Here are the five simple steps:

1. Identify the task to be done
2. Identify the first or next step
3. Commit to a time to begin
4. Be aware of your pattern of obstacles
5. BUT begin the first step now

Don’t worry about eliminating all the excuses, those demons of inaction. Getting into action actually reduces the grip of the inertia and overwhelm of procrastination. It also can be helpful to have a support system and strategies to keep the excuses at bay. You’ll feel more confident and relaxed as you experience the success of reaching your goals. If you begin the task again and again, you’ll gain momentum, and you WILL ultimately achieve it.